Clean Sheets!!!!

Very few things in life bring greater pleasure than clean sheets. I mean sheets right out of the dryer or off the clothes line. The kind of sheets that are soft, smell good and make you feel heavenly the moment you get in bed. If you have animals, kids or husbands that insist on snacking in bed, then you know what I mean. Now, those of you who know me know that I am a major bed snob. That's right, I love soft linens, pretty duvets, and feathers all around. Another thing that I love are pajamas. I have more bed linens and pajamas then I know what to do with. In my opinion, a gal can never have too many pajamas. I have flannel pajamas, silk pajamas, 100% cotton pajamas, t-shirt pajamas. You name it, I have it. You get the idea!

So, last night I stripped the bed, took out my favorite 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets and put them on my soft, fluffy feather bed. I showered, put on my silk jammies and got in bed. The smell of downy was intoxicating. I felt like I was in heaven, floating on a cloud of feathers. My body melted in the bed as I drifted off to sleep with a big smile on my face.

This morning at 6 am like clockwork my dogs started doing the pee-pee dance. You know what I'm talking about. Pacing and moaning, moaning and pacing. The only way to stop this is to get out of bed and let them do their doggie business. So, I rolled out of my cotton heaven, walked through the house in the dark and let the little boogers out. I pulled the door, but didn't quite close it, so that they could let themselves in. This is something that I do every morning...it's our routine. I crawl back into bed and wait until they let themselves in, then get up and shut the door completely. I didn't expect this morning to be any different.

My neighbors, who I will lovingly refer to as the "Idiot Family", "The idiots", or just "Idiot" have 2 dogs. One is a pit bull mix who lives on a very small porch and can't get off and the other is a young 6 month old heeler mix named River. She is a very sweet, but very smelly girl. She lives outside and runs rampant. Not her fault. Anyway, this morning, I let my dogs out to pee and shuffled back to bed under my soft, warm covers listening for the footprints of my 3 very well (always) behaved, never do anything wrong dogs (ok, I'm lying about the always behaved part). Suddenly, Logan starts barking like a crazy dog and I hear what sounds like a herd of elephants parading through my living room. All of a sudden a very wet, muddy and smelly presence jumps on top of me and all over my very clean and yummy sheets. I jumped up and started screaming like a crazy person. Nothing says lovin' like a big mud pie in the face. I turned on the lights only to find River (idiots family dog) wagging her tail and jumping on the bed, covered in mud from head to toe. I felt like the man on the movie "A Christmas Story" when the Buckuss's dog took down the Christmas Turkey. Words that were un-recognizable were coming from my lips. I felt the veins in my neck pulse, fearing they would pop out of me at any second. I couldn't believe it. Mud everywhere, on my bed, on my sheets, on my floor, on my pajamas and on my face. Just minutes before, I was snug as a bug in a rug, looking forward to catching more Zzzz's and now I'm standing in the bedroom contemplating the best way to kill myself.

So, I did what any other sane person would do. I wiped the mud off my face, got a towel from the bathroom, laid it on top of the mud and went back to bed. I suppose later today I will once again change the sheets. Hey, at least I get to sleep in clean sheets tonight. I can't wait!